Last night, I didn't feel like doing anything at all, especially after spending the whole day doing research for my philosophy position paper. Not too long ago, this would have works as the perfect excuse to vegitate, just sit around, watch TV, maybe just listen to music. Lately, I have been having more motivation, however. I picked up that pencil as if something else was pulling my strings, my desire to improve was the only thing that mattered. I need to improve to the point where I can effectively express the ideas in my head and I am becoming disenchanted with photography, because of the limited freedom that it gives me.

Lately, my social life has ceased to matter to me. Vapid conversations, empty sentiments, no meaningful bond. I am tired of it all. The one thing that I am grateful for is the select few friends that I do have, but that is not what I call an aspect of my social life: it is more of an aspect of my spiritual and emotional life.

Everything and everyone else no longer matters. Once, they did (more than they could have imagined), but now shallow pursuits produce a feeling of indifference in me. Picking up that pencil is much more important to me than...oh! I can't even remember what else can be important besides my artistic and political pursuits.

I also write almost daily now, though it is hard to pick the right words after a period of complete chaos and confusion - everything seems to be beyond description, though slowly, my poetic experiments begin to bear fruit and I don't care to share with those people whom I have allowed to distract me from the things that are important to me.

It makes me angry that I got so easily distracted by other people. I need to make peace with loneliness, with simply being alone, where my sense of worth is not defined by how I can manouver my words to affect the perceptions of others. I think this is why I am not censoring myself right now, while writing this. I am tired of aiming for some unattainable sense of complete control of my life and everything that touches it.

Right now, what occupies me is the chance to honestly and poignantly express how humans feel while walking down their various paths, but for once, I feel like a newborn, no matter how much information is crammed into this gigantic head of mine. I sincerely feel the wind of change knocking me off my feet.

Back to work now!